the kingdom of heaven is like a treasure hidden in a field...

a post written for www.renewthekingdom.com 

"the kingdom of heaven is like a treasure hidden in a field, which a man found and hid; and from joy over it he goes and sells all that he has, and buys that field." matthew 13:44

one of the most beautiful things to me about the Lord, and the story of his people, is the way that He gives Himself to His people.
sometimes he sends prophets, sometimes angels, sometimes dreams, but always He sends. it's amazing. no matter how much His people follow or revere Him, ignore or reject Him, still he pursues.

it's a beautiful mystery. and yet, because God is so beyond logic, it makes perfect sense.

"then God said, 'let Us make man in Our image, according to our likeness..." genesis 1:26

we were created in the image of God. a people endowed somehow with the essence of the nature of the Creator.
the word "image" is from a root meaning "shadow" or "phantom"...so it's true that we are faint, at best. but it's there. woven into our being, in the very breath by which He breathed life into our dust: a piece of the Divine.

we are not, like Edward Scissorhands, a removed creation; we are as children, carrying a piece of the chromosomal make-up of our parents.

so it makes sense, in a way, that God, being perfect in love, would not allow us to wander off and be lost forever, like a project gone wrong, out of sight and out of mind. it makes sense that as a mother could not allow her child to disappear without concern or pursuit, the Father of creation could not allow for the ones He breathed life into to walk away from life in Him without doing everything to bring them back. (we are promised that even should a mother forget her child, still the Lord not forget us--isaiah 49:15)

and yet, it is baffling, amazing, and incomprehensible, that He should follow so far, wait so long, give so much, for a people so determined to be independent of Him.

there are countless scriptures...most of the old testament is made up of rebellion stories, of warnings and prophecies and "don't you see how much you've strayed??"
and over and over again, promises of God, pursuit of God, love of God, grace of God, restraint of His wrath, outpouring of His wrath in attempt to awaken a deaf people. relentless love.

"the kingdom of heaven is like a treasure hidden in a field, which a man found and hid; and from joy over it he goes and sells all that he has, and buys that field." matthew 13:44

we are like a field. matthew 13 doesn't say anything about what the field looked like, whether it was producing fruit, whether its soil was tilled or hardened, whether or not it was good soil...it simply says that there was a treasure hidden in a field. and the man knew that it was there. and he didn't make the field pretty, spruce it up, and then buy it. he didn't get an assessor or an appraisal or test the fertility of the soil. he knew the treasure was there, and from joy he sold everything. from joy. and bought the whole field. because of the treasure he knew it contained.

and i bet people looked at the field and thought, "you gave up everything for that?"

and i bet he smiled knowingly.

God is like the man who spared nothing because he saw the value, the very hidden value, somewhere you never would have guessed.

"He who did not spare His own Son, but delivered Him up for us all, how will He not also with Him freely give us all things?" romans 8:32

should the field be fertile, producing lush growth, fruit to provide and nourish...
should the field be fallow, clumped dirt, little weeds and pointless plants popping up, no crop to be seen...

no matter.

somewhere deep inside is a treasure that has always been, since we were knit together in the secret places. the breath of God. His own image.

and God gave everything--from JOY He gave--to redeem the field, because of the treasure that He breathed into it at the foundation of the world.

it is a value beyond compare. and it is in every one of us. waiting quietly, hidden, to be offered up for redemption and built into the kingdom of God.

Lord, we pray Your kingdom come.

Conversations on Home

a friend recently wrote asking my thoughts on "home," sort of. 

she asked, "so what do you do when you want to totally resist the idea of your 'hometown' as your new home?" 

like me, she has been, to use honest feeling words rather than entirely literal ones, displaced from somewhere she loved and exiled to her hometown.
i know, it sounds dramatic. but that's the thing about feelings, they tend to be a bit dramatic. 
and that's how it felt. 
it felt like God never said, "be here now," but he definitely never did anything to get me anywhere else, and never said any sort of, "you're free to go where you please."
and so here we are: "home."
my lovely friend also mentioned feelings of non-passion in a ministry that is completely worthwhile. 
(yes, i know that feeling.)

so what do you do when "home" doesn't feel like home anymore?
here are the thoughts i shared with her, my lovely friend in waiting:

• when i came back to salem, i came refusing to set down roots, refusing to commit to it as "home". but the only thing i was hearing from God was Psalm 37: dwell in the land. so, begrudgingly, and because someone else had done the work for me, i moved into the house i still live in with two girls...three weeks after coming back to the states. i was as ticked as my mom ("you've been gone forEVER and now you're moving out?!"), but i figured i had to live not-out-of-a-suitcase-at-my-parents' in order to "dwell in the land", and also that i could "dwell in the land" without really being involved in the land.
  then my church started a discipleship class deal called the timothy project, and it sounded good for people but totally unnecessary for me, but i felt like i was supposed to do it. and i fought it SO HARD. and i didn't even have the money for it, i had to take one of the scholarships to do it. my biggest fight, in my head and heart, was "i don't want to have to get to know people! i don't want friends! i don't NEED friends! i have friends in australia, and i'm not even going to stay here long enough to need friends."
  my whole heart held back. but felt pressed to join the dang thing anyway. and in the end it was really more about having a heart that would say yes to God.

  still, salem wasn't home anymore, australia was.

  honestly though, thinking back, my confirmations to stay in australia were words of security in God. they were invitations to be with him. and all commitments of heart, body and finances in australia were commitments to God, to the place we were together.
  the thing about a missional life, which we are now inextricably bound to, is that "home" is wherever you are. home is at the foot of his altar.
  God is everywhere, but you in God is sort of nowhere...you in God can happen or not happen in any city on any continent.

  my heart had lost that truth somewhere along the way in australia. i was no longer at home at the foot of his altar, i demanded that his altar come to where i was and be in what my heart was in. instead of a heart hidden in God working out in ministry, i think i had God hidden in a ministry which had my whole heart.

  we started out somewhere being uncertain of life in oz, and then we felt God's heart, for us, and for those kids, and the city, and the country. and then we were certain of life in oz. and then we left. and we can't go back. maybe just not yet, maybe not ever...hopefully just not yet.

  but to be here now, in a place where you can see from an intelligent perspective, and even heart perspective, that these people are so worth your investment, so in need of guidance and love and knowledge of all of the things that you have known of God. but you don't feel him like that right now. and you don't feel his heart for them like you know you can. you know that your whole soul can hurt for them with the heart of God. you know that it's possible to understand why Christ would die for them, because you know it's possible to feel like you might do the same.
  and if it's so worthy of your heart, and if you aren't allowed to leave, then why the heck don't you FEEL it?!
  it's like my boss said to me in my first interview: isn't this perfect for you? shouldn't you be happy?
  should be. should be. isn't. i'm not.

  i think it's a grace though. like a blinding of the heart. because he doesn't just want your feelings, maybe. he wants you. you. heart and soul. your everything. and if we can't become absorbed in what we're doing, we're left standing there...a little more available. drawn out into the desert, alone.

  i think he numbs our feelings sometimes because he wants to do something more, something deeper. he wants to get down to the roots which you might otherwise shoo him away from because your heart, and therefore mind and energy, is so consumed in this outward work.

  you are zealous for the Lord, zealous for the things on his heart, and to see his kingdom come on earth. but he is jealous for you, jealous for your heart, and jealous for his kingdom to come inside of you.
  he seems to quiet, or mute, everything else around sometimes, not allowing our hearts to be alive with passion like they once were for ministry, for young people. it's like he says, "do the work, but you can't be given to it. i need you right now."
  it reminds me of the allergy medicine commercials, where everything is blurred out until they take the pill.
  by his grace, you are impacting lives, you are doing a good work. it's just not fulfilling you like you know a vocation can.

  i don't think the key is in making your hometown feel like home to you, i think it's probably in making your soul feel at home in God again.

  oregon still doesn't feel "yaaay home!" to me, and my whole self isn't invested in what i'm doing like it was in australia; sometimes only my body is really all there, haha. and truly i felt terrible about that for a long time. but i can still pray, and i can still do the work, because i can still know objectively what God's heart is for these things, even when i don't feel it. it was only by his grace that i ever felt it before, so he must be able to give it to me here if he wants to.

  the thing is, God is passionate about you. and learning to embrace that, to let it in, is really one of the hardest, most important things. if you don't understand his love for you, and know how to love yourself well (or even just accept yourself and where you are), your loving your neighbour as yourself is gonna be pretty stinky. it's like he's asking you to put down the hose and be watered, maybe. or stop shouting the good news to everyone so you can hear him singing over you, maybe.

  home is where the heart is, and the heart will only ever really find its home in God.

  those are my lengthy thoughts on a feeling i know quite well. i also know that it has taken nearly two years of being back in my "hometown" for my heart to begin to understand again how to be at home in God. i don't know how to make that moving-in go faster, other than perhaps to stop fighting it, stop trying to move forward, stop trying to be better and do better, and surrender. but even that is hard.

  love you, praying for you, thank you so much for writing, i've been meaning to sit down and write to see how you are.
  love love

  
  

  

  
  

  
  

  recommended reading:

  Psalm 37, 84, 46

  Zephaniah 3:17 

Rest

"When I shall with my whole soul cleave to Thee,

I shall nowhere have sorrow or labour,

and my life shall live as wholly full of Thee."

-Saint Augustine

i hesitate to write anything on the subject of Rest--of being found wholly and truly in God--because i am certain that it has been voiced more eloquently and with greater wisdom than i could ever aspire to, by those in my own personal "great cloud of witnesses."

i have learned, however, that what is read, heard or observed is worthless if it is not received, nurtured and absorbed.
like the soil praising the flower but refusing the seed.
and so, though i admire and value the wisdom and experiences of men and women before me, i will attempt to articulate what has resounded in the caverns within me, what i humbly hope to nurture and cultivate in my own heart, and thus in my life.

i felt the Lord nudging and whispering to me about the word, rest, for the first time nearly two years ago. i have begun to understand what is meant by the four letter word only in the last two months.

He has been far more patient than i.

i have written before about feelings of being sidelined, benched, coddled in safety while everyone else got to bravely fight frontiers and passionately pursue their God-given dreams with God-given grace and favour.

i was angry and a little hurt. maybe a lot hurt. i tried to accept it as the best for me, to find peace in knowing it was God's will, but i failed miserably for a long, long time.

i was only willing to rest so long as there was promise, certainty of fruitfulness on the other side of this "rest"; a God-glorifying Promise Land on the other side of this "where is your God now" desert.

in all of my asking, my stubborn refusal to appear unfruitful and unfaithful in the way i understood those things, the Lord calmly and patiently repeated to me, 

"Rest. Rest. Dwell. Rest."

i began to see that He seemed to connect trust with rest, and rest with abiding in Him, but i didn't see how. the recurrence of those words just annoyed and frustrated me.

what faith does it take to live in salem, oregon? 

to sit on my couch with tea?

to do the only job i've ever known in soft-cushioned america?

apparently it takes more faith than i had,

and a different faith than i had ever understood.

"in repentance and Rest you shall be saved,

in Quietness and Trust is your strength."

isaiah 30:15

my seemingly noble aim was to glorify and honour God with my life, to go from strength to strength, to not "leave the mission field" and simply return home to a job with a pay check and a house in the suburbs.

unfortunately for my great plan, i moved into a duplex in the suburbs of salem and shortly thereafter received a pay check from a job. actually multiple pay checks from multiple jobs.

i was disappointed in me.

"Why won't you just REST?"  i was asked emphatically, and on numerous occasions,  by one who is not afraid to remind me what God has spoken.

"i don't know how!" and "i'm trying!" were my two responses. 

they were both frustration;

they were both completely missing the point.

so there's the history. here's the story:

all God has ever wanted is me. is you.

not the fruit of our lives, not the faithful work or the heart-wrenching sacrifice,

just us. being.

it is true that doing will flow out of being,

that true faith will show in actions,

but our natural inclination, or mine at least, is to prove our being by our doing.

obviously i'm well with the Lord, don't you see what i'm doing?

of course my roots are deep and my faith is strong, 

don't you see the daring feats and brilliant ministry in my life?

and then suddenly, quietly and quite stealthily,
there is not longer room for being.

it has been nudged out and practically consumed
by the doing which was meant to prove the being.

and with us being hardly aware, the doing has become empty, hallow.

we know, all of us, in the core of our beings, 

in the deepest most neglected places of our hearts,

that no amount of doing will suffice to fill the void of a misplaced being.

but the silence and stillness, the apparently empty caverns of inactivity are so frightening, so intimidating to us that we dare not stop. 

we keep moving busily in hopes that we will work our way back
to an identity we once knew.

or perhaps never knew for ourselves, but at one point saw faintly as a possibility.

i think this is where the saying, 

"if you find yourself in a hole, stop digging" applies.

alas. digging is all we've come to know, and ceasing to dig now appears not only foolish but terrifying.

Thomas Merton says of a man in just such a situation,

"The very act of resting is the hardest 

and most courageous act he can perform: 

and often it is quite beyond his power."

this must be the reason that the mystery of "rest" has only begun to be let in 

in the last two months, though it has knocked faithfully at the door for as many years: it is quite beyond his power.

i spent all of my time and energy trying to attain rest in my own power,

but it was like trying to drive a car with no transmission.

i worked at rest so hard that it became merely another form of doing.

the key, i think, is release.

release all that has defined me, all that i have clung to 

in hopes of being significant,

every definition of success that i have tried to emulate,

even every understanding i have had of myself in God up to this moment.

knowing how God felt about me five years ago does nothing to convince my flesh that He feels the same today, in this less glorious place, in this quieter vocation.

how can a pledge to radical obedience land me in salem?

release.

rest.

trust.

salem. short for jerusalem. 

jerusalem: "founded peaceful"

peace.

the moment i have ceased to strive, ceased to work to produce, 

to bring glory to God by the fruits of my labours,

it is then that i have begun to trust God at His word.

"you are my servant...in whom i will be glorified."

-isaiah 49:3

if i could effectively glorify God in my own strength, i would really be glorifying no one but myself. i would be a self-made man attempting in false humility to point upward from the monument of my own accomplishments to a being without whom i can apparently do great things.

"If they were absolutely perfect and changeless in themselves,

they would fail in their vocation,

which is to give glory to God by their contingency."

(Thomas Merton--No Man Is An Island)

HE is the Lord, HE will not give His glory to another. (isaiah 42)

"Be still and know that I am God"

-isaiah 46:10

these two years have been a time of beginning to learn 

what a life pleasing to God looks like.

it looks like yielding.

like surrender.

like abandon.

like faith

 that if i walk in the will of God,

though His will be villages of Fiji or suburbs of Salem,

He will be glorified: 

that is His word, in which He cannot lie.

i know one thing now quite clearly: no matter how many impressive or awe-inspiring things i produce, 

or how quiet and mundane my days are, 

if the center is not God, 

if the source is not His power made perfect in my weakness, 

all will have been for naught.

to rest is to know with full confidence that beyond all activity and productivity, i am accepted in Christ, wholly and dearly loved, created in His likeness and for His glory; that like the mountains and the flowers and all created things, the greatest glory i can give to God is to be.

i'm sure i could go on forever, but i would very quickly negate the purpose of everything i've written.

i will close with a few thoughts from a few who know their need for stillness in the Lord, and leave you with a list of highly recommended readings that have encouraged, challenged, and spurred me on to greater rest and deeper trust in the One who loves me in spite of, rather that because of, my doing.

"To have a gentle and quiet spirit is to have a heart of faith,

a heart that trusts in God,

a spirit that has been quieted by His love

and filled with His peace."

-John Eldridge on 1 Peter 3:3-4

"He will quiet you with His love..."

-Zephaniah 3:17

recommended reading:

Thomas Merton--No Man Is An Island (especially chapter 7)

Thomas R. Kelly--A Testament of Devotion

John and Stasi Eldridge--Captivating

Zephaniah 3

Isaiah 43 & 49

1 Corinthians

Psalms 23 & 37

the communal net

"And all those who had believed were together, and had all things in common..." (acts 2:44)

the kingdom of God is community....it is epitomised in the essence of real, authentic community.


i was listening to lady share her vision for community gardens the other day, how it's not really about food production, it's really about bringing these people together to tend a garden, and yes to cultivate fruits and vegetables, but more to cultivate relationship...and as a result of joining together to tend these plants, they get to know one another, they learn each other's needs, and they learn that even in their own need they have something to offer to this community.
the idea is that when community is formed, needs are known and therefore shared and met.

i thought, "that is kingdom."

reading a dictionary definition of "community" mostly just puts on paper what we have come to know community as, which is more of a physical locale, or a coincidental sharing of values or beliefs...
but i think the reality of it is best laid out in the ecological definition:

com-mu-ni-ty: noun

...a group of interdependent organisms of different species 

growing or living together in a specified habitat

obviously we're not different species...although your dog may very well be a vital part of your community...and in general people are not thrilled to be referred to as "organisms", but the key word isn't either of those.

the key word is interdependent.

isn't that the truth? "no man is an island." john donne knew it, thomas merton wrote a book about it,  hugh grant learned it in "about a boy", apparently hallmark even made a movie about it.

interdependent.

so. we can share meals and homes and cars and skills...but they had all things in common.

here's the point (i wish i had a great transition to the point which would hit you like the lights coming on in a room you've never seen, or a bean bag thrown at your chest...alas, i do not, i'll just use a large piece of punctuation instead) 

:

i think we can carry each other in faith. this interdependent group of organisms (frequently called "the body of Christ") weaves together a safety net of faith and belief, of hope and certainty and conviction and truth, and when one organism slips and bit and isn't so sure, when one's vision is clouded, one heart is timid, knees are weak, hands are feeble...

"sharing all things in common..."

all caught in the communal net.

it's okay that my hands are feeble because your hands are strong;

your faith is small but her's is great;

my eyes can't see it well, but he has a clear view;

your heart feels faint, but mine burns with certainty.

interdependent.

 fellowship (2842): "partnership, (literally) participation...

 communion, contribution/distribution."

from 2844: "a sharer: companion, fellowship, partaker, partner."

from 2839: "common, i.e. (literally) shared by all or several"

from 4862: "...denoting union; with or together, i.e. companionship, 

resemblance, possession.... completeness."

completeness. that's great. because i lack. communal completeness.

there are things i used to believe for. used to hope for.

be certain of.

but it started making less and less sense to keep believing.

a growing uncertainty.

foolishness.

having succumbed to this uncertainty, 

resigned to it and relinquished hope and certainty,

i felt myself standing off to the side of the common belief.

yes there are great things for ya'll...me? we'll see. 

but i'm alright with cheering for your successes.

and then someone said to me:

"i still believe in you and in the things God has put in your heart."

what?

how?

"...they had all things in common..."

suddenly i found myself caught in the communal net: faith.

it hit me like a bean bag thrown at the heart (is that weird? that's how it felt):

we need each other. we need shared faith as much as we need shared resources.

this whole time i figured that if i didn't believe for me, that was that.

God would just have to wait until i believed again.

my thread was pulled,
the communal faith net would have to carry on without me.

and i'd hang out on the sidelines until i had something to contribute again.

not so.

"...partnership...contribution...partaker..."

partaker.

if you can believe, maybe i can too.

i am a partaker.

weave, contribute, partake. communal faith. community. kingdom.

"good" and "perfect" and "grace"

i've been pondering this thought, this "perhaps": that all is grace.

that all is grace.

gifts, mercies, joys...grace...challenges, struggles, trials...grace. 

(it seems counterintuitive, but go with me for a moment and consider the possibility)

if all we truly deserve is death (which Jesus took on the cross and conquered shortly thereafter) then every "good" thing (enjoyable, pleasurable, beautiful) given is is purely out of grace...yes?

if we deserve death, punishment, retribution, etc, but Jesus took all that on the cross (and God is gracious and good, slow to anger and full of lovingkindness, and doesn't go back on his word, and his word is, "it is finished")...then every "bad" thing (hard, draining, ugly) we endure is...what?

karma? satan? punishment?

grace?

"every good and perfect gift is from above, coming down from the Father of the heavenly lights..."

(james 1)

but that doesn't mean that he only gives good things, does it?

isn't he "the Father who scourges"? (hebrew 12)

but isn't discipline grace?

it's true that there are natural consequences for our actions (drunken revelry=puking your guts out, promiscuous sexuality=STDs, etc) 

and that there are inherit negative results of the fall (illness, disease, death)

but haven't we all heard stories of those who have made terrible decisions and wrap up with, "but by the grace of God, i never ________ (insert worst-case-scenario)."?

the sick child whom God graciously restored back to health?

a terrible business decision which God graciously delivers the believer from?

or the drunk driver who lost the ability to walk?

or the child who died suddenly despite prayers?

or the one who lost everything?

further in hebrews 12:

"...He disciplines us for our good, that we may share His holiness."

paul's thorn in the flesh

lazarus' death

the thought i have pondered is that all things given,

death or life,

sorrowful trial or joyful blessing,

are given as graces from a gracious Father.

the possibility

that, as a good father knows that this child's rebellion will be best met with a warm embrace

and that child's rebellion will only be corrected with a stern word,

so the Father of lights knows that here i need gracious reprieve,

and there i need to experience the gravity of my error.

this one needs to be lavished upon in obvious blessing to bring her back to the right path,

and that one needs to be allowed to fall hard on the path he's strayed to 

to realize just how far he's wandered

this blessing will bring Him glory and He will hold me humble;

this trial will bring Him glory and He will hold me strong.

grace.

revelling in the lovingkindness of the lavish gifts of God...

grace.

growing endurance, patience, a steadfast spirit (and in the end strong character) through trial...

grace.

Jesus gave thanks when the breaking of the bread 

preceded the feeding of many thousands,

and also when the breaking of bread preceded the breaking of His body.

can i do the same?

receive all as grace?

it's a long road, with so many questions and uncertainties, to come to a place where we can rejoice with the healed lepers in having received such grace, 

and 

rejoice with the flogged and beaten apostles in having received such...grace. 

for the glory of God, for the fullness of knowing Christ, for becoming everything we were created to be, i think it's a road worth pursuing.

i think "good" and "perfect" are words worth reconsidering...redefining in our hearts,

until we can see all as grace,

and receive all with thanksgiving.

every good and perfect gift  is from above...

"My grace is sufficient for you, for power is perfected in weakness."

-2 Corinthians 12

things you should read:

-every story or verse referenced above, to read the context;

if you don't know where it is, google it, or ask

-One Thousand Gifts by Ann Voskamp

-2 Corinthians 12:7-10

-the book of Galatians

-everything else Paul wrote in the New Testament of the Bible...

talk about a guy who knew what grace was.

crave

you may or may not know that i have a bit of a "healthy tooth," rather than the infamous "sweet tooth." (don't worry, i still have a very healthy dark chocolate tooth).
sometimes people marvel at my "discipline" to eat so healthy, to abstain from sweets and say no to foods that seem to almost seduce a person...and sometimes i just let that be: i let them marvel because i don't have time to crush their delusion.

but when i have the chance to...

i tell them more than they ever wanted to hear.


i tell them about re-training your cravings, teaching your body what it actually needs, and teaching it to want those things. i tell them how i used to wake up craving toast with jam and how one day i woke up craving carrots. carrots.

my ears perk at the word "broccoli," my eyes light up at the sight of snow peas, my mouth waters at the thought of hummus...i might be crazy.

BUT: my body knows what it wants, because it has learned what nourishes it.

it didn't used to. it used to think, "mmm...chocolate cake would hit the spot." or, "i need something filling...give me bread."

so when people think i'm amazingly disciplined...they're only like .5% right. i'm disciplined in the same way that it takes discipline to not run across the road when there are cars coming: you don't really have to, but you would if coerced, so not doing it isn't so much discipline as minimally-thought-out choice. i generally use as much discipline to eat healthy as i use choosing to not eat steak: not a lot.

i just don't want the bad stuff anymore...just like i don't have the urge to dodge traffic or devour a steak (i am a vegetarian, otherwise it would be perfectly normal to crave steak).

and here's the thing: the "bad" stuff is fine in proper proportions to "good" stuff; it's fine to eat a brownie sometimes. i genuinely believe that it's good for the soul.

but we all know when it's not right, right? we all cringe when we hear of someone who regularly eats whole pans of brownies...who ate two super-size meals today...who had 64 ounces of soda with their lunch. it's too much. it's not good for the soul. on the contrary, it's often a sign that there's something wrong in there.

so, the point.

the point is, it occurred to me today that the same is true for my heart. the details get a little bit fuzzy, but here's a basic key to the analogy:

stomach=heart
broccoli=worship
snow peas=scripture
hummus=spiritual guidance/prodding/challenge (what is the soul's equivalent to salivating?)
toast with jam=the cute first season episodes of the office, when you just know jim and pam were meant for each other...it gives you the warm fuzzies, and makes you sigh.
chocolate cake=pride & prejudice

there is real deal sugar rush from cake, just as there is real emotional indulgence in pride & prejudice.

there is real deal nourishment from healthy food, just as there is real heart nourishment from God.

and like brownies, pride & prejudice is good for the soul sometimes.

but how often does my heart yearn, and i feed it pride & prejudice?

how easily does my body learn that cake is a quicker fix than carrots? just a few days without my usual diet and my body begins to say, "ooo...bread sounds good...find some sugary bread!" 

the same is true of my heart...only more so...because somehow matters of the heart are more sneaky, and more dramatic. we are lulled into muted emotions...quieted longings to be with God. we become satisfied with less. we snack when there's a feast waiting.

my tired and ill-conditioned heart whispers to me, "let's watch pride & prejudice." 

in healthier days, my heart would grow weary and cry out, "be near to me, O God!" it would throw me violently at the feet of a loving, satisfying Creator...and it would be fulfilled. it would be comforted. my heart knew its home, and it ran there the moment it realized it had strayed. 

but O! devastation! my heart has gone the way of eve's and doubted the character of God. 

in a weak and hungry moment it felt that perhaps He wouldn't live up to His promises...perhaps His love is just like the other loves i've known:

perhaps it won't satisfy my deepest longing, 

perhaps it will hurt me, leave me feeling empty, 

poured out and not filled, 

broken and not restored.

but you know what can be depended on? mr. darcy. 

mr. darcy, despite every foolish and proud action of elizabeth bennett, will pursue her to the end. against all odds, with no certainty that her heart can be won, he will fight for her. 

he will risk relationship and reputation to prove his love to her. and she will be won.

and jim halpert. though it seems hopeless, he will quietly fight to win pam's heart. and she'll fight it, but he will persist to the point of personal humiliation, and she will melt, and give her heart to him.

and i know this like i know the satisfaction of chocolate cake.

but doesn't sugar weaken my immune system? and bring with its insta-enegry a bunch of empty calories? and make my whole body freak out in attempt to re-balance my blood-sugar levels? 

oh hush. it's delicious.

and don't vegetables and good proteins give me vitamins and minerals and help my body sustain rather than peak and crash?

well...yeah...

and doesn't God answer the deepest longings of my soul, and respond to the cries of my heart, and satisfy my every need? isn't His word my sustenance?

and don't mr. darcy and elizabeth just leave me hungry?

all it takes is a re-training. all it takes is answering those sugary-pride-and-prejudice cravings with an unwavering, absolutely certain, "no, i will give you what you need. i will give you broccoli and i will give you God." 

at first it's discipline, and then it's a no-brainer. 

it begins with a gritting of the teeth and digging in of the heels, and becomes arms wide open and feet running, yelling with the pilgrim, "life! eternal life!" 

O my soul, know today where true life is found. believe that He satisfies. long for that which sustains. do not be content with the love stories of others, 

know that love for yourself. 

know that your Saviour has pursued you far beyond personal humiliation and loss of reputation, with more unwavering commitment than mr. darcy or jim halpert could dream of. 

know that He has fought for you, and fights for you still. 

He will not surrender the fight until your heart is won. 

know that cake is nice, but broccoli is so much better. 

it sounds crazy until you know it's true experientially, but once you know, it's madness to turn back.

blessed **updated 2/20/12

ever since my first trip overseas, my first experience of a less that "first world" nation (Romania circa 2003), i have inwardly scoffed at the prayer, "God bless ________" if the blank was filled with anyone who lived in the U.S. or any other generally privileged nation. my mental response was, "He already has." 

my response has been in light of my definition of "bless", which has been "give good things to."

that was until yesterday. i did a word study on the Greek word we translate to "bless" or "blessed" in the Bible, and my mind was blown. thinking about it again this morning, the implications of this actual definition occurred to me...and amazed me....

"If you know these things, you are blessed if you do them." -John 13:17

#3107--Makarios--blessed. possessing the characteristic of deity... the state of the believer in Christ. He is indwelt by God because of Christ and as a result is fully satisfied.

(makarios ≠ happy, because happy is the person who has good luck*)

A blessed person is one whom God makes fully satisfied, not because of favourable circumstances, but because He indwells the believer through Christ.

To be makarios, blessed, is equivalent to having God's kingdom 

within one's heart.

Makarios is one who is in the world yet independent of the world; his satisfaction comes from God and not from favourable circumstances. 

(the contrast is endeēs-"the needy one")

Makarizō, to pronounce blessed, is used only of the 

Virgin Mary 

and the persecuted prophets.

"For behold, from this time on all generations will count me blessed." -Luke 1:48

blessed: makarizō vs. eulogeō (to speak well of)

"When we bless (eulogeō) God we are speaking well of Him which is equal to praising or thanking Him. When, however, we ask God to bless us or speak well of us, we are asking Him not merely to approve our plans but to interfere in our lives. 

God's words are God's actions. 

*happiness has Absolutely Nothing to do with makariotēs, "blessedness," an inner quality granted by God. The word "happiness"..."lucky,"  never occurs in the New Testament. 

The Lord never promised happiness, good luck, or favourable circumstances to the believer, but makariotēs, "blessedness."

This means His indwelling and the consequent peace and satisfaction to the believer no matter what the  circumstances may be."

...consider now the gravity of praying, "God bless _______."

be it for you, your mother, your best friend, your worst enemy, your leaders, those you lead....

we can now translate that simple and often nonchalant prayer to, 

"God, fill with all of your fullness, indwell, interfere with the path of, satisfy, bring peace and wholeness to ___________, regardless of all circumstances and situations, of fullness or depravity offered by people or economies, of happiness or pain."

the fact that i can pray that for someone, for myself even, and that God answers that prayer...

that astounds me. 

and i am more than happy to pray that kind of blessing for any person in any nation, because we all need more of that kind of blessedness.

excerpts and quotations from the Keyword Study Bible by AMG Publishers. 

this publishing of the Bible is freakin' amazing.

it has enriched my understanding of the Word 

(spoken, written, and in Flesh) indescribably.

get one. disregard monetary cost, all other gain will make up for it.