a boat to somewhere: devoted follower #176

it's been three months since i last wrote anything...coincidentally it's been three months since my favourite funny blogger has written. i think my inspiration may have died with the beginning of the book project that seems to be stealing her from regular posts...(if you've never read hyperboleandahalf.blogspot.com, please do, you won't regret it.)

The past few months have been absolutely crazy schedule-wise, and in the midst of all that it's been hard to pinpoint over-arching themes...or even a coherent train of thought...to put into words for a post that's worthwhile.

so many excuses, so little time.

the last few weeks, or maybe a month, i'm not sure, God has been highlighting to me the truth and the incredible importance of remembering what all of this--work, days, life, etc--is all about.

at the end of the day, really every moment of the day,

it's all about God.

he started the story long before we were a part of it and he will continue the story (does it really have an end?) after we leave this lovely little planet. when we are born, we enter his story, not the other way around. sure if someone wrote a book about me there would be a page on which God enters my story...but the thing about this life, this present moment, is that we're not all in a book about me. heck, i'm not even in a book about me. we're all in the story of God's eternal kingdom.

it's not that we're not important...

we're not those people on LOST that no one had ever seen before and therefore it wasn't a big deal when they got killed, or that random guy on the Office who got fired...where'd he come from?

no. we are shockingly important to God. he is limitless in his capacity, but it's still nuts that he can care so deeply about so many people all at once! however, i think the fact that we know God knows us so well, loves us so much...i think we've turned it around a bit. like cats.*

have you heard that christian you're-super-special slogan, "if you were the only one, Jesus would have died for just you"? it may or may not be true, i'm not sure, the bible doesn't say it, but it has recently begun to annoy me...because he didn't die just for you. he died and rose to reconcile HUMANITY to himself. he died and rose to save us...we are meant to be the embodiment of his kingdom...so he died and rose to save his kingdom. right? (colossians 1:20, aye?)

if, in the beginning of time, God had not desired relationship with a people on earth that reflected to the rest of all creation the beauty of his kingdom come...would he have saved us?

would he have saved me if the whole goal of the deal was to give me the desires of my heart, as i so often pray?

did he rescue me--die and defeat death--to gain the desires of his heart?

but the desires of my heart! my inheritance in Christ! my purpose! these are rightfully mine! it's good to seek them with all of my heart, soul, mind and strength!

wait, no. i am to love the LORD with all of my heart, soul, mind and strength. i am to seek first his kingdom and his righteousness. not the stuff he gives, not even the desires he gives. just him. him for the sake of all his glory.

and the desire of his heart that he died to redeem....is me. and you. and us. and those people over there. (crazy.) he is my inheritance, yes, but i am his inheritance. i am rightfully his.

i have spent so much time seeking the Lord for what he has for me. and when. and how. and why not now? and give it to me now! but i am learning that it's all about, "what are you doing, God? what are you desiring to do? and where shall i serve in that story?"

i don't have an answer to that last question yet, but what i do have is a better perspective of God, his kingdom, and his work on this planet that has allowed me to shake off despondency due to lack of personal calling or vision. i think God has been waiting for me to quit looking for the next page of my own story and start looking at the story he's writing, the next page and chapter in his book.

because if i'm not keeping a watchful eye on his story--no not just that--if i'm not completely enthralled and obsessed with his story, then what am i doing? i'm just writing some side story that mentions him sometimes, frequently even, but never fully enters or bows to his authorship. his will. his authority. his kingdom come.

i would rather be Devoted Follower #176 in the credits of God's movie than Holly The Great in my own.

that being said, i want Devoted Follower #176 to be the girl whose devotion invites into the story Devoted Followers #177-1000, by whatever means the Lord should allow it.

all for him, only for him.

Oh for grace to love him more...

i am the handmaiden of the Lord; let it be done to me according to what you have said. -luke 1:38