skinned knees and new covenants

 

a few weeks ago, a lovely woman named June gave me a bit of motherly wisdom that i didn't entirely enjoy but very much needed to come to terms with. she said we grow. and as a parent releases a child bit by bit, so does God release us. we learn from him, he trusts us more and more and becomes less directive and more co-operative. he walks with me. i think i told her that i didn't want to grow up, i wanted him to just tell me what to do, and i think she told me i was being silly. pfff.

i remember learning to ride my bike without training wheels, my pink bike and my pink helmet. my dad ran behind me at first, holding the seat to help me balance, but i looked back to say something to him and he was standing 20 feet behind me watching! smiling even! i was so shocked, and angry and flustered, that i instantly fell over. didn't even try to keep going. i was ticked that he let go without telling me first. i think part of me may have fallen just to prove a point.

those are the best terms i can put to how i felt about God this year: a scraped knee and a slightly irritated girl in a pink helmet standing with arms crossed asking, "what the heck, dad?!"

i don't actually recall how my bike riding experience resolved, why i ever trusted my dad again or why i ever got back on the bike again. i do remember that a few days later i rode down that same street by myself, no training wheels, standing on my seat and then hopping back down to pedal and turn before the cul-de-sac ended. and i do still trust my dad. so apparently i got over it.

i must have let him hug me and bandage my knee and i must have gotten back on the bike...i must have trusted him to show me again how to do it. ideally i would have trusted him the first time, trusted that he knew what he was doing, not freaked out and not fallen. but four things altered that idyllic situation:
1. i did freak out
2. i didn't think what he chose to do was right
3. i didn't keep riding
and 4. i fell.
and then he had to deal with it. deal with a crying little girl, tend to her wounds and coax her back on to the bicycle. it was all a part of me learning. and it was all a part of him being a dad.

those same four things have happened with me and God, with humanity and God: the freak out, the doubt, the stopping dead in mistrust and the falling. only with God my post-fall response was a bit more like, "well apparently i don't know how to ride a bike! and apparently you're fine with letting me fall! so i'm just gonna stand right here until you either explain this whole thing or give me an ice cream!"
but it has been a few days (months) and i'm not standing on my seat coasting down the road. but God is dealing with it. and i'm not demanding the explanation or ice cream anymore. i get it, sort of...he was just being a good dad.

earlier this month i felt God ask me, in light of my recent crossed arms and mistrusting glare, to receive his law again and to renew my covenant with him.
so i asked, "what law are you giving me and what's the covenant?" expecting some new and amazing thing...
but he said,"my law is to love the Lord your God with all your heart, soul, mind and strength. love is a choice. choose to love me."
and then he said, "the covenant is my blood. you are washed, cleansed, atoned. it is enough. the blood of Jesus Christ has satisfied my justice, and you are secure in that. let go of everything else, i've already justified you."

he reminded me that our covenant had never changed. millennia ago he held out his hand in covenant and he has never retracted it. he has remained constant. his blood has always covered me. his arms have always embraced me.

it wasn't my dad who stood there and glared at me with mistrust in his eyes. it was me. it was never him who broke covenant with me. it was the other way around.

i read in a book recently, "We have become accustomed to covenanting with our shame rather than our Redeemer." (Unwilling to Concede--Brad Stanley)

that was me. standing beside my wreckage, hurt, staring at a father i did not understand, and didn't understand how to trust. i thought he was a bit of a jerk, to be honest. in hindsight he wasn't a jerk, he didn't let me ride into a brier patch, or traffic. and when i fell he didn't stand at a distance and say, "get up, deal with it," he came to me, and comforted me. and got me back on the bike.

and so did God. even when me and my bike and my knee had an agreement to stick with each other. even when i covenanted with my shame.

my dad didn't put the training wheels back on or tell me not to worry about this bike-riding nonsense. he knew i needed to learn, even if it meant falling.

God didn't baby me either. i wanted him to, of course, but he didn't. he knew i needed to learn.
God is committed to me as a father is committed to a child, committed to seeing me grow and take risks and learn. committed to letting me learn to ask for wisdom and not permission. to seeing me meet challenges, even fail challenges, and learn to stand up again and keep going. to learn lessons and use them to take on the next challenge, and conquer it.

even when i want him to, he doesn't control or dictate. he wants to co-create and co-labour. he wants to walk with me.

i've been learning that God doesn't want to bubble-wrap my life, but he does want to redeem every broken place. (i still kind of want the bubble wrap...)

God is committed to me growing. (dang it.) God is committed to redeeming every broken place. (awesome.)

so i washed off the year in a slightly chilly river, and i committed to his law again, and i took up my side of his covenant again. because training wheels aren't for twenty-three year olds. and God is too good to let me stand still forever.

Bless the Lord, O my soul, and all that is within me, bless his holy name!
...forget not all his benefits,
who forgives all your iniquity,
who heals all your diseases,
who redeems your life from the pit,
who crowns you with steadfast love and mercy,
who satisfies you with good
so that your youth is renewed like the eagle's.
...As a Father shows compassion to his children, so the Lord shows compassion to those who fear him. For he knows our frame; he remembers that we are dust.
Psalm 103

what would he do about what?

in light of my current reading materials, namely the book of john, acts, and the myth of a christian religion by greg boyd, my little mind has been pondering that classic question, "what would Jesus do?" and the more classic cynic's response of, "about what?"

then you throw in some more reading material (my daily devotional) with the following thought:
"the glory of the Lord is the beauty of his character. it is risen upon you when you realize it, even though on earth you can do so only in part...the glory of the Lord is also risen upon you when you reflect that glory in your lives; when in love, patience, service, purity, whatever it may be, you reveal to the world a something of the father, an assurance that you have been with me, your Lord and Saviour."

i have been reminded of the importance of being aware of God's constant presence. and the constant awareness of the presence of Lord, his beautiful character, and his gracious and merciful attitude towards me ought to serve as a constant reminder: i am commanded to imitate this holy, loving, beautiful, humble, lowly, servant king, Jesus.

Jesus, the man who looked the downtrodden in the eyes. who stopped to speak to the beggars and prostitutes. and not to say, "repent or burn in hell!" but to say, "you are welcome in the house of my father. i know what you've done, but receive my grace and i do not condemn you."

this man saw incredible value in every individual person he spoke to, and most of those he chose to speak to were the ones society at large (religious devotees included) ignored entirely.

for whatever reason i do not encounter many "extreme opposition" moments in my life...i'm not often slapped or cursed at or persecuted...very rarely jailed or beaten or run out of town...and these are the situations we most often associate with Jesus and his disciples. when we think of acting biblically, we often gear ourselves up to face an angry mob with a serene Christ-like-ness or shun with a courageous "get behind me satan!" the overt temptations that will scream at us, "LOSE YOUR VIRGINITY! GET WILDLY DRUNK!"

but what we are most often faced with are ignored and undervalued checkers at the grocery store, a lonely woman sitting by herself on a bench, quiet self-haters standing off to the side at a social event. our temptations whisper to us with quiet nudging, "ignore that guy, he got himself in that situation...you don't have to put up with this lady's incompetence, you have things to do!" and we not only neglect to yell our fervent cry at satan, we generally don't even realize that we've been assaulted or tempted...we don't realize we've been overcome by an angry mob we didn't even see.

these are the moments when, i'm fairly certain, if we were fully aware of God's constant presence and Christ in the "least of these," our behaviours and responses to people--or really just our awareness of their existence--would be vastly different. hopefully we would be vastly more Christ-like. instead of waiting for the angry mob to cause us to ask, "what would Jesus do?" we would stand in line behind a smelly man, in front of a woman whose shopping cart keeps hitting our rear, waiting for a checker who is obviously new or else extremely slow, and think, "what would Jesus do?"

we would probably find ourselves turning around with a loving smile and talking to that woman. we would quietly pray blessings over the stinky man in front of us (Jesus died for the stinky, too). and when the time came we would make very sure that the checker knew we considered him better than ourselves (as paul exhorts), asking how his day has been, speaking a word of encouragement.

we would probably find ourselves, in light of this constant awareness of a loving God whose Spirit has made us His dwelling place, being more aware of the people around us who have "no beauty or majesty to attract us to [them], nothing in [their] appearance that we should desire [them]."

we would probably find ourselves washing people's feet.

the glory of the Lord is risen when we reflect the glory of His character in our lives.
"when in love, patience, service, purity, whatever it may be, you reveal to the world a something of the father..."

when we choose to live in the character traits of God, we make the presence that we are hopefully aware of plain for all to see.

my starting point, my challenge-to-self, has been just to notice. if i don't even notice people, how can i begin to love them like Jesus?

and yet you still seek him

You are seeking God, dear sister, and He is everywhere. Everything proclaims Him to you, everything reveals Him to you, everything brings Him to you. He is by your side, over you, around and in you. Here is His dwelling and yet you still seek Him. Ah!

-Jean-Pierre de Caussade

be here now

i have spent much of this past year asking myself one question quite frequently: what is wrong with you?!

maybe that seems a little harsh at first glance, but it's a fair question. 

no matter how hard i've tried (and believe me, i've tried hard) i have been unable to shake this general feeling of immobility. like my clothes are made of led. or i'm walking in flip flops through mud. or i'm wearing dark shades and ear muffs though very much desiring to see and hear. 

and i've tried looking with eyes intently peeled, and i've tried standing still with eyes casually glancing around, and i've tried standing still with eyes shut, ready to be taken by the hand in any direction. i've tried walking and i've tried lying down. i've tried announcing my position and i've tried keeping quiet. 

i have scrutinized my past and decisions that may have thrown me off the right track, i've tried analyzing where i'm going, where i want to go, where i was going before i stopped moving and whether or not that direction is still true.

i have talked to God and not talked to God. i have worshipped and remained silent. i have prayed for others and waited hoping to receive prayer. i have stayed through intercession and left. i have read and i have written and i have listened and i have walked and i have laid motionless and i have cried and i have enjoyed company and i have hidden away. i have fasted and feasted. 

i have done everything (other than drugs and witchcraft) possible and have gotten nowhere. no answers. no clarity. 

just one recurring nudge: rest, take refuge in God. 

(but what does that mean?)

and then today i realized that i have done everything except be. i have been everywhere except present. i have analyzed everything except this moment. i have sought God in everywhere except now. 

"were you speaking when it hurt? did i fail you? was i not listening? did i choose wrong? why can't i hear you? where do you want me to go now? what do i do now that i've left all that i know behind? what if i pick the wrong way? why can't i hear you?!" 

but what did God tell moses when asked his name? God said, "I AM." now. here. 

eternal, yes. from eternity past until eternity future. but NOW. God is outside of time and space, yes, not bound by it, yes, but here with us. with me. and i am bound by time and space. and God doesn't expect me to live outside of those bounds just because i know him. 

so. if God IS, and i am thinking about the past or the future, then i am not abiding in him, i'm abiding in something else. how many times have i read those verses in scripture this year? "abide in me", "take refuge." but what does that mean??

i think God is saying to me, "i am here, now. just be here with me."

so. God is omnipresent, and  God is now, and God is love, and if i exist with him here and now then i exist in his love, yes? and God's love is perfect, shown to me through Christ's sacrifice for my redemption on the cross which said, "you mean this much to me, your name is cleared from here on out, and you don't have to do anything more if you will just trust me." so here and now (because God is here and now) i am wholly loved (because God is love) and redeemed and justified (because Jesus did those things). 

God is unchanging, and his word never fails, so if he said that then, it's still true now. yes? and same for me, right? if i said i trusted him when i was 12 then it's still true now, right? 

so wrong...he might be unchanging, but this chick has to choose every day, every minute, to trust him. but if my mind is focused on the past and the future, how can i possibly trust him in the present? how can i possibly abide in his perfect love? 

i can't do it. i wander aimlessly. i seek something that does not yet exist or has already ceased to be and thus remain lost.

so, past self, to answer your question: your problem is that you're living in a really lame fantasy land of non-existent things. taste and see that the Lord is good! blessed is the man who takes refuge in him!

"abide in me, and i in you. as the branch cannot bear fruit by itself, unless it abides in the vine, neither can you, unless you abide in me." -jesus

i can't make past-me abide in him and i can't make future-me abide in him, but i can choose right in this moment to abide in him, and hopefully i will remember in the next moment, too. 

maybe i'll leave my next-moment self a note just incase. 

a change of scenery

though i have recently had a lovely change of scenery, i have very little inspiration to write this blog, it is coming much more out of obligation as i haven't written in a while. as a result it will merely be a series of photos with brief narrative that reflect my recent change of scenery.

it is fitting that a change of scenery should begin with a change of perspective...

which began with a breaking of glasses.

following the breaking of these glasses i purchased a design magazine that came with a cute felt wallet, which i proceeded to leave in the bathroom moments after purchasing it, and moments after discovering my fatally injured glasses in my purse. 

i then boarded a plane a half an hour after the scheduled departure time, disembarked and spent the one hour and thirty-five minutes between 12:05am and 1:40am waiting in lines at the airport, spent $20 on credit i could not use only to discover the call i needed to make was free from a pay phone, called the hotel shuttle and arrived at the lowest-budget budget hotel i have ever seen. 

upon arrival i discovered that the room-with-en suite i booked was not reserved and hence walked to my room-a-foot-wider-than-the-bed, plopped down my stuff, and sought out the communal shower. the communal shower could not have fit anyone larger than me and failed to produce anything other than frigid water. thus, i sought out the communal unisex toilet and washed my fringe in the sink which, frustratingly, produced lovely hot water. 

i spent the hours of 3am to 6:20am alternating between 5 minute naps and laying awake listening to traffic and squeaky floor-boards overhead and then rolled out of bed, unplugged the tv to plug in the kettle, and had some green tea and a rice cracker for breaky while getting dressed. 

at ten minutes to seven, a woman knocked on my door to inform me that it was 7 o'clock and my shuttle was leaving, at which point i scrambled to shove everything in my suitcase (including my hot hair-straightener) and hauled myself outside into the very chilly morning. 

i was to catch a bus at the airport that would take me somewhere to catch another bus which would take me somewhere to catch another bus which would take me to my final destination, tauranga.

there is much too much to tell about those bus trips, but i will mention a lot of purposeful but misguided walking, many attempts to make up for the night of non-sleep, and one moment trying to balance a suitcase, guitar and cup of coffee whilst hurrying across a crosswalk only to discover i could not balance these three items thus causing me to leave my suitcase in the crosswalk, dump my guitar on the sidewalk, take a final swig of the coffee, dump it in the trash and run back for my belongings.

but i made it to tauranga, five hours later, and i am alive, and it is beautiful.

the scene from where i love to sit and read, drink tea, etc...

view from the other side...

technology is most creepy when it does things you don't ask it to, like photograph you...

my adoptive family...

i do have a few thoughts on a few things that i'm sure will be posted soon enough, they just aren't done quite yet.

apparently i'm just an uncertain rollie-pollie...

to start this off, i have to give a shout out to christina cupitt, because this is about bugs and God, and i'm pretty sure she'd appreciate that connection.

i was sitting on the back porch reading tonight when i noticed a rollie-pollie bug walking towards me. (there are a few different names for them, but the enclosed pictures should clear up any confusion...)

needless to say, i got really excited. i know it's a bug, but i put rollie-pollies up there with lady bugs (lady beetles for the aussies). i just think they're cool. when i was little i would find as many as i could and make a house for them somewhere. they never seemed to have as much fun as i did with this activity...when they looked bored i'd flick them a little to make them roll up. i assumed they enjoyed this...my adult brain now recognizes the rolling as a protective move, a reaction based in fear. back then it seemed fun for both of us.

so tonight i poked this little bug a bit so it would roll up (even with my understanding of the poor creature's fear...i am cruel) then picked it up and put it in my hand. if the image you presently have in your head, now knowing that i picked up the rollie-pollie, is one of a happy little bug crawling around my hand, you are quite mistaken. it just stayed there in a ball. for quite a while. so long, in fact, that i went on reading out of boredom in waiting for it to open up. it lay there on its side, balled up, moving one single antenna around a little bit, for a good sixty seconds. 

in my very distinct understanding of the world, my adultness and maturity, i asked aloud, "why won't you open?" and instantaneously realized, and vocalized to this poor mute creature, "ah, you don't know where the heck you are! you are very uncertain."

my natural response to this supposed excuse for not opening is, of course, "but you're in my hand! i'm not a bird who's going to eat you, i'm not a giant bug who's going to fight and kill you (a la honey i shrunk the kids: ant vs. scorpion). you are safer here in my hand than you were before." but obviously my tiny little friend didn't know that, and because he was too scared to look around (truly, i know neither the sex of this creature nor his optical abilities, but we get the idea, yes?), paralyzed by this sudden change of surroundings, in a place that felt different, smelled different, looked different (whatever antennae's do, that's what was different)...to be safe, he just lay there for a good while. 

all of this to say, i know how he feels. and when i realized the reason for his stillness, realized that despite my good will toward him, and his safety in my hand, he was too small and too limited in understanding to have that same realization at that same moment. i immediately had compassion for him. yep, i felt compassion for a bug.

but i felt God saying to me, "you are in my hand, and you're fine, but i understand that you can't move just yet." i felt his compassion. his understanding that my finite mind needs to leave me rolled in a ball cautiously reaching out one single antennae to get a feel for my new surroundings. safer? yes. better? yes. in the palm of one who would never do anything which is not best for me. in the palm of someone who watches my every step, rather than letting me wander unprotected on the ground. and yet i am untrusting. fearful. it's foolish in reality, but he understands. he is not impatient. though i'm not sure he's in the middle a book which he goes back to reading while he waits for me to move, i am certain that he waits with the same amount of loving patience. and the reason for his patience? he delights in me. he enjoys me. he know what it will be like when i gain confidence, unroll, and move. 

i gotta say, that's why i was patient with my bug friend. i like those little bugs, and i was genuinely delighted (odd as that may be) to see him, to hold him in my hand, and to watch him walk around. 

obviously there are differences between my relationship with that bug and my relationship with God...God and i have a relationship that pre-dates my change of 'surroundings'. i know him, have known him, i know his character and his love. that bug and i have, despite my aforementioned affection for him, never met before tonight. he had no good reason to trust me. 

no matter what happens, how quickly i am removed from my previous circumstances, i should always walk with bold confidence, knowing i am in the loving hand of my great Defender. despite that fact, the honest truth is that i don't. i freeze. i have frozen. i became quite disoriented there for a bit.  these last months...this last year...has been one of laying rolled up in the hand of one who has patiently and compassionately waited. 

i have to say though, i feel myself beginning to unroll. my little antenna has been out there feeling around for a bit now...i think it actually discovered a while ago where we were (me and it...or whatever the human equivalent of it is) but i didn't want to open up until i knew where we were going to go. i have not been satisfied just knowing that i'm safe in his hand. i have needed to know where we were going to be going once i decided to unroll. alas, i don't think he's going to show me until i open up and look around, satisfied with knowing he's holding me. fortunately, i have been laying there waiting for absolute certainty to wash over me for so long that i think i'm unrolling out of sheer boredom.

 {the craziest thing just happened...i looked away from the computer and noticed something moving towards me on the floor...a rollie-pollie. i left mine on the porch three hours ago. that is just nuts. i am happy to report that due to this small miracle, the picture of a rollie-pollie in a hand is my rollie-pollie in my hand, instead of the hairy man-hand which you never saw but which was previously displayed}

point: he has been lovingly and expectantly awaiting, all this time, the moment that i would choose to trust fully, unroll and start moving. that moment is just about here. 

boys and girls

i love looking at other people's photography, especially when they share the thoughts that accompany their images.
i've been looking at photos by this guy, clayton austin (claytonaustinlovestories.com), very much enjoying his photos and thoughts. i wanted to find out more about who he is, so i clicked "my story" at the bottom of the page and found something i wasn't expecting, but didn't very much surprise me.
no "i live here, i'm this old" etc, but instead thoughts on love, and a love for capturing it on film. it's fun to read a boy's thoughts on love.
all of this to say, i thought i'd share a little snippet from his blurb-about-self:

Lets face it. Love is an animal. Though my grandfather told me once that love is more like a bird, if you hold it tightly it dies, if you hold it slightly, it flies. ...I received a letter once from an old friend. She mentioned that she recently had her heart broke and could only wish to one day find someone that sees her the way that my couples see each other. How would she know when she has found the “one”? Trust me when I say that tender gaze, that almost kiss, does not come without work. There will be joy, there will be pain. I have known both. If you are reading this I want you to know that you are amazing. He is not. And this is my advice to you. Find a boy who calls you beautiful instead of hot. Who calls you back when you hang up on him. Who will lie under the stars and listen to your heartbeat, or will stay awake just to watch you sleep. Wait for the boy who kisses your forehead. Who wants to show you off to the world when you are in sweats. Who holds your hand in front of his friends. Who thinks you’re just as pretty without makeup on. You will know he is the one because he will apologize first even if he feels he was in the right, because being right won’t matter if you go to bed angry. When you tell a joke he will laugh out loud. He will constantly be reminding you of how much he cares and how lucky he is to have found you. He will turn to his friends and say, ‘that’s her.’ 

This is the bird that my grandfather spoke of. When you find this bird hold onto it but remember to give it room to grow. Room to breathe. Do this together. And when you find him, call me. I want to photograph it. 

while i love the heart and notion of theses thoughts, the value spoken, i do think that girls need to learn to value their boys on a whole new level as well. though women possess an incredible depth of beauty that every man needs to find, men possess and incredible depth of strength, courage and goodness that every woman needs to have by her side. i also think that very often, men and women draw these things out of each other when their hearts get close enough. she needs him to discover the fullness of her beauty, he needs her to discover the fullness of his strength.

so i think my response to clayton's thoughts, directed to all the boys out there (though i wasn't really planning to respond), is that if you are reading this, you are strong. she needs you. find a girl who looks into your eyes with firm and joyous respect. who is patient when you are childish or don't understand her. who stares at you in admiration when you aren't looking. who finds you devilishly handsome even when your clothes don't match and your hair hasn't seen a comb in days. you will know she's the one because she will defend you when you've just had a fight, and speak highly of you even when you know you've been silly.. she will smile proudly as she walks into a room with you by her side. and when you let your ten year old goofy boyness come out with your friends, she will smile lovingly and say, "that's him."

when you find her, call clayton. i can't photograph that well.

photo credit: clayton austin--claytonaustinlovestories.com/blog

pictures with words

the effect of a phrase and image paired is amazing,

here are a few to gaze at:

photo credit: someone on the web

photo credit: kelsee irby

photo credit: kelsee irby

photo credit: kelsee irby

photo credit: kelsee irby

(can you tell i'm a fan of kelsee irby? she's 16 and a pretty stinkin good photographer.)

and

something i have been thinking/reading about lately....
these thoughts have been perpetuated and added to by the book "AND--the gathered and scattered church" by hugh halter and matt smay.


there are a lot of people ditching the organized church at present. i'm one of those defectors. most churches make me cringe. most books about church make me cringe. "Growing Your Church" bleh. 


this book, AND, basically discusses the fact that we are called to be the body of Christ, to fellowship with one another, to encourage and spur one another on, to meet together, etc. ....but we are also called to go. go into all the world, love your neighbour as yourself. leave your father's land and go to a land He will show you. go into the slums. go and be salt and light where none has been before. go to the ends of the earth. 


my pal jeremy recently pondered in a facebook note the paradox of the church's identity in light of these two very clear commands. 
i've been pondering it too. in the context of the actual body of Christ and in the context of my own life. what do i desire more? safe and happy (there are air-quotes around that one) christian living with christians? or down and dirty (shout out ian noland) gospel-living. living and breathing the gospel where people still need it. 


the guys who wrote AND gave a little diagram of the main components of the christian life, and the life of the church...it's three circles, overlapping...nah i'll just put the photo of it in here. that's probably illegal. meh.

so those are the three bits: mission, community, and communion. 
mission: evangelism, showing people the love of Jesus, mercy ministry, etc...
community: friendship, a place of belonging for believers and God-seekers, biblical real deal community.
communion: time with God...your relationship with him. worship, prayer, quiet time, going to church (because really, a lot of people in that church are there to get more than give)


a few pages after this diagram there is another one: basically the same, except the "communion" circle is way bigger than the other two. it represents how a lot of us live as christians, and how most of our churches run and are focused...get people to church, get people in bible studies, get people to have quiet times, get people to be into worship. 


and woot (raise the roof, props, power to 'em) for all of those things, they're all good. but they're not all. not everything. if you have a bunch of people trying to grow deeper with God, or at least hoping to be there enough to stay in the imagined good books, then you might slowly get some good shouting out of "God is good all the time, all the time God is good" and things like that...but what happens when they leave the church doors? or the bible study? or the quiet time? what happens when they're at the grocery store and someone's a jerk to them or they walk past a homeless man or a woman who could obviously use a friend or a friend who hates the word "church" is having a really hard time and there's no good answer but to turn to God...


what happens when real life happens? 


sometimes people don't want to hear "pray about it" or "i'll pray for you" or "you should come to church".....and correct me if i'm wrong, but i'm not sure jesus ever uttered those words. or any of his disciples for that matter. 


i have realized that my life as of late has become much living in the communion bubble and not much living elsewhere. and i'm a missionary! living in community! pfff. 


i was thinking about this whole deal in the context of the church, and the book is talking about it too, that we really do need to disciple people to live like Jesus. Jesus didn't spend his whole day alone with the Father...he spent time with Him in the morning, then spent time in deliberate community with his disciples and others who tagged along, and with them (or at least with them watching) he spent time showing the heart of the Father to those who needed it. needed mercy, acceptance, forgiveness, food. 


as the body of Christ, we need to figure out what it means to create community that is deeply inclusive for those who would otherwise avoid each other. people who are almost comical as friends. people who are passionate about God and people who have a lot of questions about God. the book calls them saints and sojourners. i actually just read this quote that i had on a sticky note: "every saint has a past, every sinner has a future"-oswald chambers. and i think that's how inclusive community is formed...there's common ground there that we need to spend some time standing on. 


but how does a saint ever come across a sojourner? in comes the mission. 


it all applies beautifully to the church as a body, but it's been hitting me hardcore as a person. if i am really trying to look and live like Jesus, i have to look and live like Jesus! i have to hang out with outcasts of society, the drunkards, the prostitutes, the thieves. i have to engage in deeply connected community. to give to and receive from the life that community holds. 


it's all been said before...we are the body of Christ, not the body part. i'd say i'm a part of a finger. probably the pinky. and a little pinky on its own can't do much. isn't worth much. it's being part of the hand, the arm, the body, that gives it any worth or power. do i love my pinky on its own? yes. i would be very sad to lose it. does God love me on my own? heck yes He does. but He knows there's more for me when i'm connected. connected to the ones who pull me higher, and the ones who are hanging on for dear life. 


all in all, we have to be ANDers. the church gathered AND sent. a tight family holding one another up AND a sent people, finding people and pulling them out of all their various prisons and sinkholes. 
there's just so much more for us.


that's all i have to say really. 


no, one final thought:
communion is obviously a word that means sharing, joining, etc. but the act of communion (the eucharist, te bread and wine)...what's that? sure we do it together, but what does it represent? 


brokenness. 
Jesus, broken and poured out. 
that is what we're meant to commune with. 


join in, share in, being broken and poured out.

satisfaction

we all want something that will last. that's why "a diamond is forever" and Ford is "like a rock" and a Nalgene has a lifetime guarantee

most of us spend a lot of time trying to find or create something permanent. something that just won't change, won't leave. maybe a relationship, or a job, or a look, or a feeling, or a lifestyle, or even an ever-possible "way out". if all the world crumbles, at the end of the day we want to say, "at least i've still got _______". 

because something inside of us instinctively yearns for a constant, a plumb line.

but a diamond is only forever if you always wear the ring. and ford is like a rock until you crash into a tree. and it's a good thing there was a guarantee because that nalgene is in a dozen pieces on the asphalt.

sometimes all the things we hoped would never change...change. like on the way from point A to point B, point B disappears altogether, and the path you followed blends in with everything around it. and you're left with just you. standing there. uncertain of where to go now, and how to get there.

i need something i can count on more than a diamond and more than a ford and more than a nalgene. i need something under my feet that i know will always hold me, and a covenant that does more than slip on to my finger. 

i need something more solid than the earth itself. 

i need something etched in my skin and burned on my heart. 

i need something that won't leave me even if i run from it.

and i found it.

justice and harvard

i just discovered "itunes u", the section of the itunes store where you can download lectures from universities around the united states (maybe the world?) for free...i'm into it.

i found a set of lectures from harvard entitled "justice" by this guy mark sandel. over 14,000 people have attended his lectures, so i thought it would be interesting to hear what he had to say on the topic. it's such a broad thing, justice, and so hard at times to distinguish between the justice that is legal, justice that is biblical, and the average person's idea of justice--which is generally just a synonym for revenge. but this post is only vaguely about the out-workings of justice.

after listening to the first twelve minutes of the sixth lecture, my mind is already jumping at the content of what the guy said. i will finish the lecture soon, but i wanted to post a few quotes from it and get your thoughts.

here he is discussing the thoughts of this guy (i think his name is Kant) on freedom as opposed to the Utilitarian idea of freedom. this dude, kant, wrote a book called The Supreme Question of Morality...just so you have some sort of reference. I believe, although i'm no harvard student and i haven't yet listened to the first five lectures, that my paraphrase in the first little chunk shows a bit of what the utilitarian idea of freedom is. and i know they had previously discussed whether or not it was okay to sacrifice (in any sense) one person's well-being or happiness for the greater good....

so here we go:

paraphrased from the first few minutes:

some people consider freedom to be the ability to get what we want, pleasure without obstacles and the avoidance of pain. a more stringent definition of freedom: when we seek pleasure/avoid pain, we are acting as the slaves of those appetites. in a sense these appetites are chosen for us and we are finding a way to achieve them. freedom is the opposite of necessity--it is a law one chooses for oneself 

quoted directly:

"to act freely is not to choose the best means to a given end, it is to choose the end itself for its own sake

insofar as we act on inclination or pursue pleasure, we act as means to the realization of ends given outside us; we are instruments rather than authors of the purposes we pursue.

insofar as we act autonomously, according to a law we give ourselves, we do something for its own sake, as an end in itself. when we act autonomously, we cease to be instruments to purposes given outside us. we become, or can come to think of ourselves as, ends in ourselves.

this capacity to act freely is what gives human life its dignity. respecting human dignity is seeing people not as means to an end but as ends in themselves. this is why it's wrong to use people for the sake of other people's well being or happiness."

thoughts?

easy on the eyes...

just a few lovely photos to feast your eyes on...

goldfish--photo by kelsee irby

swing--photo by kelsee irby

shelf--found when googling "sydney harbour"

spoons--found on a blog somewhere